turning 30
that's it, no creative title, nothing witty. just what it is.
i turned 30 a few days ago and leading up to it, i felt really depressed about it. my mom said that 30 was a hard one for her to process too. i think i am feeling the way that i do because of quite an amalgamation of reasons.
i feel like i'm ancient now because of the internet. it's very odd. the influx of teens on the internet now act as though anyone 20 and up is old and anyone older than that is a fossil. it's very weird to see a resurgence in the old web with younger people and then seeing them alienate the very people who were the origins of their new hobby/trend. even on social media, it's all the same. i remember being a young kid on the internet in the very early 2000's and most people on the web were older people who i thought were super cool. something shifted and now being above 14 on the internet makes you a loser? i may not be making sense and can't really convey my thoughts correctly, but it's definitely an odd feeling.
being a woman... it's instilled in you from a young age that you need to hold onto your youth forever, because once you're out of your 20's, it's all downhill. things start sagging, your skin gets dry and wrinkled and doesn't bounce back quite the way it used to. i know deep inside that none of these things are true, but i can't help but still feel shame for aging in the society we live in.
the younger generation of the alternative scene. this one is definitely a lifestyle thing and probably ties back to reason one... but being called an elder emo is fine and all, but it's definitely not always good. (┬┬﹏┬┬) i fear that the younger people in this scene have adopted the aesthetic but not the mindset. i see them once again... alienating the older members of the scene, even though we were a part of the origin. in no way am i gatekeeping, but please at least be accepting of those that came before you? are you just going to grow out of this trend and then become "normal" once you age? is that what's supposed to happen? because if that's what you believe, then you're perpetuating the stereotype that alternative IS always just supposed to be a phase. i used to look up to the older goths/alts in the scene but now it feels that the younger kids just mock them and call them old?? even though they're only like, 35. once again, probably not choosing my words to correctly convey my feelings but regardless, it is what it is.
anyway. now that i'm 3 days into it, i find that i just don't care? a co-worker told me that she was worried about turning 30.. then it came... and the world didn't end. she still woke up everyday and life went on. nothing changed. that's how i'm feeling right now. this big, scary milestone in my life has now just become another day. i didn't have a party, or any celebration of any sort. maybe next year?
let me know ur thoughts either on my guestbook or email me: maneko@maneko.dev